John's Weblog

De ene vriend vraagt aan de andere vriend:
“Hoe is het tegenwoordig met je sexleven?”
“Ach man,” zegt de ander,
“ik heb tegenwoordig alleen nog maar plassex!”
“Plassex?”, vraagt de eerste.
“Ja man”, antwoordt de tweede,
“elke keer als ik er over begin,
gaat ze direct lopen zeiken!”

Eindelijk een duidelijke handleiding.
Laat je overigens niet afleiden door de plakband.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (I recently turned 51.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’

He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’

‘Oh no,’ I replied.. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

‘I said, ‘Not much.. my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’

‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

‘No,’ I said.

He looked at me and said,… ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?’

You can easily make your Nokia N97 Mini battery last longer. This is essentially done by turning off all of the things that you aren’t using and turning down settings that don’t need to be turned up all of the way. This handy guide will remind you of all of the different steps that you can take to keep that battery charged for as long as possible.

Steps to prolonging the Nokia N97 Mini Battery include:

•Change your backlight settings. This is always one of the first things that you should do to reduce battery waste on any mobile phone. To make this change on your Nokia N97 Mini, go to MENU. Selecting “settings and phone”. Choose the display option. Choose “light time-out”. This lets you change the amount of time that the light will stay on before going out. A shorter time period is better for your battery. Next go back into the display options. Choose the “light sensor” option and alter to reduce the strain on the battery.
•Change your WLAN settings. Your Nokia N97 Mini is a great phone in the sense that it doesn’t waste battery power scanning for networks too often. However, it does sometimes run this operation in the background. To reduce the drain on your battery, change your WLAN settings so that the device never scans for a network unless you tell it to do so. To locate these settings, simply tap the top right corner of your Nokia N97 Mini. From here you can change the settings.
•Change packet data connection settings. Your Nokia N97 Mini is set so that packet data connection settings are always on when they are available. You can change this by going into the packet data connection settings and changing the option to “when needed” instead of “when available”. This reduces battery drain.
•Change your GSM settings. You can set your Nokia N97 Mini to only use the GSM network. If you need to use a 3G network then you can always change the settings back but setting it to use GSM only will help reduce battery drain. That’s because your phone is naturally set to dual mode which means it will search for 3G settings when it doesn’t need to unless you make the change. To change this setting, go to MENU. Choose settings and connectivity. Select “network”. Select “network mode”. Choose GSM.
•Keep Bluetooth deactivated. There is no reason to have this activated when you aren’t using it so make sure that it’s turned completely off. This is a good practice on any mobile phone.
•Always fully exit all apps. This is another good thing to do on any mobile phone and shouldn’t be forgotten on the Nokia N97 Mini. Anytime that you aren’t sure if you have extra apps running on this phone you can simply go to “options” and choose “show open apps”.
Keeping these six things in mind will allow you to prolong battery life on this handset.

A man and his wife are awakened at three o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is three o’clock in the morning!”

He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring outside!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife.

“Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?” “I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.